Five-Thirty AM - XXII

The first sweet hint of those tender feelings nebulously called “love”, were blossoming in Dev’s immaculately groomed chest as he lay alone in bed. Yes, Dev had been going to bed alone for the last few days. He hadn’t dated. He hadn’t opened his little black book filled with convenient numbers to call a conveniently available gorgeous woman to keep him company.

His heart hadn’t been in it. He didn’t realize it, but what he was already doing was being ‘faithful’ to the woman that he dreamt of. A woman with flashing eyes, and a stormy temper.

Maina.

He smiled at the name. Where are you?

He’d been back at the same lounge on Saturday, telling himself he liked it there - alone. He’d seen her friends a couple of times. But never her. He felt a bit of an idiot sitting there alone at the bar drinking his malt, politely refusing the innumerable invitations he got through the evening.

She hadn’t shown up.

For the briefest moment, he’d toyed with the idea of asking her friends about her. Then dropped it. He couldn’t be that big a loser! Asking her friends about her? Hell, no!

The said friends however, quite unknown to him, had seen his glances their way. They’d been told by Maina about him. So they had made a phone call.

Maina had a smirk on her face when she hung up. So. Mr. Arrogant Smirk had been looking for her, hmm? One more conquest at the elegant, uber high-heeled clad feet of Ms. Myna Imani!

Yes. M-Y-N-A.

You see, Mrs. Imani Jr. was pretentious. So she’d named her daughter Myna - although it was pronounced exactly the same! The transmogrified spelling satisfied her shallow-ish heart, since her own name was a very boring old-fashioned one. Kuntala. Which she had conveniently shortened to Connie or Koni or Konnie... you get the idea. She couldn’t change her name, but her daughter was not going to go through life with a name like that or even a spelling like that! So M-A-I-N-A became glamorized as M-Y-N-A!

*****

Love wasn’t in the air for Dev alone. Noel lay in bed thinking about the day gone by.

Dev was right.

He’d known that at some point he’d have to open up the pain from the past. He’d never thought he’d feel so vulnerable articulating it.

The memories of those years, months, days needed to be given closure. He’d forged on ahead in life. He’s fought through the recurring nightmares, and the sleepless nights. Somewhere within himself, he’d found a core of strength that had helped him deal with it. It had helped enormously that he had a family that he could lean back upon. They and Dev were the only people he trusted. They were the ones that had been there, supported him, loving him and caring for him, no matter how deep the spiral had gone. No matter to what depths he’d fallen. They had pulled him out of it.

He’d never spoken about those last days in the army to anyone. His father had ensured that he’d retired with full pension.

Mitul had come into his life like something he’d never expected to find, in the last place he’d expected to find it. Over a phone call. At first the fascination had been with her voice and her accent. It had intrigued him. And that had driven him to Canada, to her.

Women. They were around him all the time. With four years in the industry, he was now completely au fait with its workings. He understood that sex is what sold - anything. Be it a product, a person or a film. Yet, something inside him shied away from this aspect of his profession. A deep niggling sense of unease and wrong. While Dev seemed to take it in his stride, he still believed in the notion of monogamy. So, as much as he was seen around town with different women, he very rarely, if ever, slept with one. He never brought them home. That was his sanctuary. His sacred place. The place that kept him sane in an insane world.

From the moment he saw her, he knew she was going to make a mark in his life. She was like no other woman he had met. As he got to know her more and more, he realized that he was more than ready to have someone like her in his life. He wasn’t going to deny that the attraction for him was purely physical, when he first met her.

But then, he’d wanted to know more about her. He just didn’t want her body. He wanted her, all of her. What made her tick. What made her laugh. What made her so strong. What made her who she was. What made her such a beautiful soul.

For the first time, he had asked a woman into his home. He should have realized, he thought with a sardonic laugh, that she had already ingrained herself into his life. Which is why he’d broken his own rule of not bringing women home. Now that same sanctuary was redolent with the memories of her sitting on his couch, bringing him his coffee.

Is this what was called falling in love?

This wanting to share every moment of your life with someone. This urge to pick up a phone just to hear a voice at the other end. This need to know if someone were missing you as much as you missed them. This hollow feeling inside yourself when they weren’t there. This aching craving to gather that person up in your arms and just hold them close. This breathless feeling when that person walked away from you. This rapid anticipation when you knew you were going to see them, again.

Is this what love is ? Noel didn’t know. But he guessed if he had to put a name on it - he’d call it love for lack of a better word.

Which brought him to today.

He picked up the photo from his bedside table and looked at it for a long moment.

What had changed in El Paso? What had brought on her sudden coolness? Why was she so formal with him? What changed, Mitul?

These questions still tormented him. He’d told Dev that he was okay with her behavior. He was only fooling himself. He wasn’t okay. But if that’s what she wanted that’s what she was going to get.

He’d seen her tears today. He didn’t know why she’d cried. He hadn’t asked. He wasn’t going to.

It was important that she understand.

If this was what she wanted out of this ... this relationship ... whatever it was ... he would give it to her. She had to be free to make her own choices. He wasn’t going to force himself on her. But he wasn’t going to sit around and wait for her either. This time, he really was going to move on.

He tucked the photo inside the bedside drawer and turned off the light, before lying down. Another restless night awaited him.

He would see her tomorrow. He smiled at the thought.

*****

The object of Noel’s thoughts was not having better night herself.

Her thoughts were skittering all over the place. She was trying to marshall them, pull them out of the morass of confusion that they currently seemed to be sinking in.

When she’d first met him, albeit after a lot of work on her side, she’d met him as a person she was a fan of. She’d been nervous, the very first time. But he had made her so comfortable, allowing her to see that he was just another regular guy.

Their whole time in Canada was spent in becoming friends. Friends who had a powerful sexual attraction. She wasn’t going to deny it. Every time she’d met him or been around him, it was as if her entire body would be coiled, waiting like a wound up spring for him to touch her. When their eyes had met in recognition on the boat, she’d known that he’d felt it too. that he wasn’t immune to her, physically at least.

He hadn’t left a single opportunity to touch her. Always made sure she knew he was around her. Every touch had been like a tiny explosion. Every look an intense flame that scorched her. He hadn’t hidden it. She had reveled in it. He’d allowed her to know him. Get to really know him in El Paso and Ruidoso, and Arista.

It was only after, seeing him with those women had warned her that the path she was going down. Falling in love with him, would be disastrous for her. She couldn’t share him. No way could she share him with thousands of other girls all wanting a piece of him. Never mind that there would always be this industry that he was in. She’d heard dreadful things about it. She’d seen how that actress had acted around him. Even if Noel had no interest, there would always be temptation.

She was under no illusion that working with someone, day after day, acting as if you’re in love with them, could lead to giving in to that temptation. It might just be fleeting and it might just be transient, but it would destroy her, to know that he was with someone else, sharing something that she wanted only for herself. And he had now signed on for a romantic series! How would she be able to bear it?

The problem was that it was killing her already. She’d avoided him when she’d seen him with his fans. Because she knew what he was faced with all the time. It would not change.

But now, she was seeing this other side of him. This man who had seen some horrible things. Had done some equally horrible things, justified as it may be. She’d felt her insides tearing just imagining the bullet going through him. How much must it have hurt him? And why was it hurting her so much to think of him in pain?

She whimpered lying in her bed, eyes closed, tears leaking from the corners.

She’d fooled herself into thinking she could protect her heart. It was past the point of protection.

She had thought that by denying she felt anything for him, she would be fine. Instead, Noel had seemed turned off.

The thought of his behavior towards her these days, suddenly sent a wave of coldness washing over her. He’d become civil to her, polite, almost indifferent. Maybe the trip had meant nothing to him. Nothing at all. Maybe the attraction she held for him was no more!

At that thought, she groaned, tossing and turning in her pillow.

Or was he just ... ? Could it be ... that he was cold, because she had pushed him away? She hated his coldness, but she didn’t know what to do. Although she knew what she wanted.

She wanted to share every waking moment of her life with him. She wanted to pick up the phone and call him, just to hear this voice. She missed him, she needed to know he missed her too. There was an emptiness inside her when he wasn’t there. She wanted to hold him in her arms, wanted him to hold her in his, and never let her go. She couldn’t breathe every time she walked away from him. And now, her heart raced again in anticipation.

She would see him tomorrow.

Oh God! She groaned again. I’ve gone and fallen in love with a man who’s an actor. What am I going to do? She hugged the pillow to herself.

It was going to be another long night of confusion and despair and hope and despair for Mitul Imani.

****

Coming back home to Goa was bitter-sweet for Noel. It had been over two months in Delhi. His wound had healed nicely. The doctors had let him go. Now would begin the regimen of physical rehab, to get back mobility in his arm, and develop strength in it.

Noel looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. He touched the angry scar visible on his chest. It had come so close. So close to killing him. He knew he was lucky to be alive at all. He tried to lift the arm and winced in pain. Reaching into the medicine cabinet, he took out a pain-killer and walked back to his room to swallow it with some water. He waited for the effect to take place. His body welcomed the feeling of lassitude that came as the medicine began working through his system.

He lay back in bed and let the welcome unconsciousness wash over him.

He started his rehab the next day at the hospital recommended by the doctor in Delhi.

The physiotherapist put him through his paces, the muscles and tissues protesting at the stress. He could feel the sweat breaking out on his forehead with every effort he made to move his arm. He was panting with exhaustion by the time the half-hour came to an end.

‘We’ll start slow,’ the therapist said. ‘As we build up the muscles and as they start to recognize the patterns of movements, it’ll be easier every day. But you will have to work really hard if you want full mobility in that arm.’

‘I’m wiling to do that,’ Noel assured him, putting on his shirt.

‘Good,’ the therapist. ‘Your doctor is waiting for you. You have an appointment, right?’ Noel nodded. ‘Then I won’t keep you. It’s your first day, so I’ve been light with you,’ he winked at Noel.

Noel went to see his new doctor. His arm was throbbing now, and the doctor advised him to get a new prescription for the pain killers, if the current ones didn’t help.

Noel was on the road to recovery.

He worked with the therapist everyday, and by the end of the month, the marked change in his mobility was noticeable, much to everyone’s delight.

What worried his parents though, were the long hours that Noel preferred to spend on his own. He went for walks on the beach, or sat in his room. What he did there, they didn't know. He seemed to shut them out mentally.

He’d found out that Moti Lal had survived the blast, with minor injuries. Bohra had not. That had sent him into a deeper spiral of grief, which he could not share with his parents.

As his arm improved, Noel looked around and took stock of himself. He was 26 years old. No job. No friends. No career. No future.

Yes, he was an ex-army officer. What was the best job he could get? He didn’t see any future in going to work for a security firm. He’d joined the army because he didn’t have any viable talents. He’d realized that he liked being in the army. It had always been his fall-back option. And now, that option was gone. What could he do?

He could go back and complete his management training. Dev, his best friend had been working for a major multi-national for a while, and doing well for himself. But he?

He couldn’t see himself in Human Resources or Marketing or Sales. He couldn’t see himself standing in front of a roomful of suits giving presentations, trying to sell dreams! He had no head for math. He could organize, and he could manage and he could strategize. But that was on the battle field. Not in the world of business. He wasn't even that tech-savvy as he'd been in the infantry.

Noel was a twenty-six year old rudderless young man with nothing to look forward to for the rest of his life.

The only thing of any regularity in his life, now, was his therapy. He never missed that. But the pain refused to go away, and the only thing that brought any relief from the constant worry was the succor the pain killers afforded.

Or his forays to the numerous bars in town. Drink offered the same kind of oblivion as did the pills. Noel didn’t pick up girls in bars. The only thing he picked up were glasses.

As his therapy progressed, so did his dependency on those pills. He was taking more than necessary now. Not a single day went by when he did not take at least one. And that is why Noel Figueiredo spent so much time alone in his room.

*****

‘I had become addicted to pain-killers,’ his voice was harsh. ‘I just didn’t realize it.’

Mitul had her head lowered. She was writing something in her notepad.

Noel watched as she stopped writing. Her head stayed lowered. He couldn’t read her eyes. A humorless smile lifted his lips, which were thinned in pain.

Now, she knows, he thought. He waited to see if she would react, but she didn’t. Just stayed quiet and still as if waiting for him to continue.

He sighed.

*****

His brothers had come down for the week. It should have been a happy day, with everyone enjoying the impromptu vacation. In truth, Noel’s father had summoned his older sons.

Noel was out walking on the beach. Alone.

The rest of them sat on the verandah - his father, his mother, Naveen, Naval, and Shelley. Rohan and Rollie played in the garden while the adults watched them, although a greater part of their attention was on the lone figure standing still on the beach, looking out to the grey waters of the Arabian Sea.

‘He’s become so withdrawn,’ his mother said, her eyes full of pain. ‘He barely talks anymore. He won’t talk about what happened, let alone why it happened.’

‘Has he said anything about what he wants to do?’ asked Naveen.

‘We’ve asked him,’ his father’s voice was heavy. ‘He says he’s thinking about it. He’s been thinking about it for the past few weeks.’

‘Did he mention any plans or anything?’

Older Mr. Figueiredo shook his head. ‘No. No plans. No nothing. It’s like, he’s there, but he’s not there. His mind is always elsewhere. He spends hours, just hours in his room with his door shut.’

‘It’s like he’s shut us out of his life,’ his wife sniffed.

Shelley placed a hand on her mother-in-law’s hand. ‘Do you think taking him back to Delhi would do any good?’ she asked her husband.

‘He could come work with me,’ Naveen said. ‘Learn how to run a business.’

‘Don’t think he’d ever want that,’ Naval replied. ‘I wonder if he's thought about going back to studies. Take a post-graduate course in something?’

‘We could send him to the US or UK. They have excellent courses and better choices for someone with his background,’ suggested Naveen.

Noel started walking back towards the house. He plastered a smile on his face. Both his brothers noticed the difference in him. He’d lost the whipcord look that he’d had. Instead he was almost shabby, slovenly. His clothes were rumpled. His hair was longer, the unruly waves flying in the ocean breeze. His jaws were unevenly shaved accenting the hollows in his cheeks. He walked slouched and not straight like he always had, favoring his left side a just a little bit.

But it was his eyes that troubled them. They were devoid of any sparkle, and joy. They were older, wiser, maturer and infinitely sadder.

He hugged his nephews and for a few minutes, the family watched their baby come back to life. He played with them for a bit and then said he was tired, before retiring to his room.

They watched him walk in and head straight to his room shutting the door behind him. They looked at one another. They were still sitting there, watching the sun slide to the West, when the phone rang.

Naval got up to answer it, and came back with the handset, handing it to his father. ‘It’s Noel’s doctor,’ he said in answer to the unspoken question.

‘Hello. Mr. Figueiredo?’ they could all hear the doctor as Naval had switched on the speaker.

‘Yes, Dr. Bose.’

‘Mr. Figueiredo, is Noel in a lot of pain?’ the doctor asked.

‘No, he isn’t. At least, hasn’t complained of any lately,’ his father was puzzled.

‘Mr. Figueiredo, he has been complaining of pain and sleeplessness. However, I consulted with his therapist today on his progress, and he’s doing excellently. So I am not sure why he needs so much pain killers. Can you please come in with him tomorrow? I’d like to talk to you both,’ the doctor said.

The two brothers got up simultaneously. They looked at each other and rushed to Noel’s room. He’d been there for three hours by now.

‘Noel,’ Naveen was yelling, banging on the door. ‘Noel! Open the door!!’

‘Come on, Noel, open the door!’ yelled Naval, banging as well.

‘What happened?’ Noel’s father and mother joined them.

Shelley rushed to the children and grabbed them, dragging them back to Naveen’s room and threatening them with dire consequences if they dared step out of it. She closed the door behind her and dashed to Noel’s room, just in time to see her husband and brother-in-law break through the door and enter the room.

Noel was lying flat on his back, sleeping, oblivious. Shelley ran into the bathroom, and began looking through the drawers and cabinets. She found the bottles, most of them empty.

Naveen was trying to wake up Noel, while his parents stood crying. Noel didn’t respond, lying there limply. Naveen checked his pulse.

Shelley read his face. ‘Call the ambulance,’ she ordered Naval.

Ten minutes later, the ambulance arrived.

*****

‘I’d almost overdosed on pain killers and sleeping pills,’ Noel had his head in his hands, his elbows resting on the conference table.

Mitul closed her eyes. No! Her mind screamed. No! Noel, how could you? The pain was choking her, now. How could you do that?

He raised raw, red-rimmed eyes to her. Her eyes were closed, tears flowing down her cheeks, her hands clutching the pad in front of her, knuckles white.

He cleared his throat and she opened her eyes, looking away from him.

Without missing a beat, he continued. ‘I was in hospital for again, for three days,’ he said. ‘When I came out, they sent me off to a rehab center.’

He was silent. ‘It was terrifying at first. I felt like I couldn’t take it. The withdrawals, the dizziness, the nausea. I was in bad shape.’ He leant back against the chair, looking up at the ceiling. ‘But every time I slid back, my family was there for me. Dev was there. They gave me so much love. I had to fight back, if not for myself then for them. They deserved to have their Noel back.’

He was quiet for a long moment. Those weeks in rehab had begun as some of his worst. The last few weeks had given him direction and purpose.

‘I took up yoga, started working out again. Two months later I was clean,’ he said. 'I've been clean since.'

She smiled a small smile at that. So that’s why he’d reacted as he had, the one time he’d seen her taking pills!

He looked at her, saw the tear-stained cheeks and the smile of relief on her face. He smiled back at her.

‘I still had to attend counseling sessions to deal with what had happened to me. I still do, once in a while, when I need to,’ he said, wondering how she would react to this. To his satisfaction, she only smiled at him.

‘I don’t smoke. I don’t do pills. I don’t drink alcohol if I can help it,’ he said quietly, hands flat on the table. ‘Not that I will stop anyone who wants to do the same. But I won’t,’ he said firmly.

‘I know,’ she smiled through eyes that glittered with tears. She began gathering up her things, indicating that the interview was over.

He watched her carefully. But she was once again, the polite Mitul. He got up and waited for her to step out of the room, before closing the door behind them, and bidding her a polite adieu at the elevators.

*****

Five-Thirty AM - XXI

The morning sun was high in the sky. Mumbai roared on, in muted voices below the window. The air conditioner tripped on in the silence of the room, a low hum adding to the white noise around.

Mitul stared at Noel’s profile as he sat turned away from her, looking into the distance, lost in thought. There was a pain, a physical ache in her chest at the thought of the agony he must have gone through. Had the bullet been a little more accurate, or the grenade a little closer, she wouldn’t have been sitting here today. He wouldn’t be in her life today, she thought. A screaming pain shot through her heart at that. The idea of not having Noel in her life was ... incomprehensible! She couldn’t breathe! She was unaware that she’d been crying till she felt a tear tickle her chin.

She lifted her hand, then, to wipe away the tears silently streaking her face, looking down at her notepad.

The slight movement distracted Noel.

He turned his head and looked across the table, seeing her wipe her cheeks, his heart constricting at the sight of them. He swallowed. He realized that Mitul in pain wasn’t something he wanted to see, ever. He closed his eyes. Why was she crying? Were those tears for him?

Or was they just a natural reaction of a person listening to a painful story? He didn’t know, and he cursed his male DNA for not being able to answer that.

Realizing he was looking towards her, Mitul ducked under the table, rummaging around uselessly at the bag at her feet, until she’d composed herself. She sat up straight, put her hands on the table, clasping them to hide the slight tremble, knuckles clenched tight.

He looked at her hands, trying to understand why she was stressed, before raising his gaze to her face.

She looked straight into his eyes and asked in a raw, tear-drenched voice, ‘What happened then?’

He turned away again, his profile to her. He swallowed, and her eyes followed the movement of his Adam’s apple. He frowned, trying to recollect the details.

‘I remember waking up screaming,’ he shook his head, ‘I don’t know how many times. There was a lot of pain.’ His voice dropped to almost a whisper, as though he was speaking to himself. ‘So much pain.’

*****

Noel finally came to, in a hospital in Delhi, Naveen and his mother beside him.

He looked around, feeling is lips parched. But the first words out of his mouth were, ‘Ma? Where am I?’

‘In Delhi, beta,’ his mother said, wiping the tears from her eyes, happy to see him finally lucid.

‘Water,’ he whispered.

Naveen raised the bed, so he wouldn’t have to move, while his mother held a glass of water to his lips. He drank thirstily and then took a look around.

‘Why am I in Delhi?’ he asked as he took stock of himself. The entire left side of his chest hurt. His arm was in a sling. His back hurt in a myriad places. An IV was taped into his right hand. Bruises along both his forearms indicated all the points where the IV had been inserted.

‘Naveen had you flown out here. You were badly injured,’ his mother said.

‘How long? How long have I been out of it?’

‘Three weeks,’ she replied, stroking his face, still unable to believe that her baby was okay.

‘You’ve had a lot of surgeries,’ Naveen added. ‘And you’ll need more.’

He just looked questioningly at his older brother, who continued, ‘the bullet caught you on an upward trajectory.’

‘Naveen! Do we have to tell him all this now?’ his mother interrupted.

‘No, Mom,’ Noel’s voice was still hoarse. ‘I need to know.’

Naveen sat on a stool on the other side of the bed. He gripped Noel’s fingers tightly, finally betraying how glad he was that his little brother was okay. He thanked God as he looked into the same green eyes as his and said, ‘the grenade missed you. The jeep protected most of your back, so only your upper back was injured. Even those are minor, and will leave you with tiny scars.’

‘So what did I have surgeries for?’ Noel asked.

‘The doctor will explain to you,’ Naveen’s voice was thick. ‘But the miracle is that you are alive!’ He wanted to hug his little brother and make sure he was back again.

He saw Noel start gasping and was alarmed, ‘Noel! Noel!! What’s wrong?’

The sudden flood of pain across his entire left side, made him sit up straight, almost retching with the intensity of it.

‘Lie down, Noel,’ his mother was frantic, as she helped him lie down. Naveen was jabbing his thumb on the call-button again and again.

A nurse came running in through the doors. ‘What’s wrong?’

Noel was lying there, his eyes screwed shut in pain, moaning.

‘He’s in pain, nurse,’ Naveen’s voice was frightened.

She took the IV in her hand and hit a button a couple of times on a small switch attached to it. In a little while they watched as Noel’s breathing evened out and his eyes became slightly glazed.

‘Noel. Look at me, Noel. Noel, look at me,’ the nurse tapped his cheek. He lifted his eyes to her, focusing on her words. She put the switch in his hand, ‘this button here. Whenever you feel pain, hit it, okay? It will release morphine into your system. You’ll be able to deal with the pain. Understood?’

He nodded.

She said, ‘Good. Use it. You’ll need it to be able to sleep. The more you sleep, the faster you‘ll heal.’ She smiled at him and stroked back his hair.

He nodded again, before his head slipped to one side, and he fell into another drug-induced sleep, thankfully, free of pain.

The next morning, he was awake when the doctor came to see him.

‘So tell me, doctor, what’s the extent of my injuries?’ he asked. The pain was starting as a dull thud now, but he wouldn’t take that morphine until he’d heard about this.

The doctor searched his face and then decided he could take the news. ‘The bullet was fired from a lower point, the trajectory was upward. It entered close to your armpit, ricocheted against your rib, and then exited through your chest. It didn’t touch any major organs or blood vessels. That, in itself, is a miracle. But it did do damage to your internal muscles and tissues. The rib was nicked, a piece flying into the exit path. Your uniform actually saved you, it slowed the bullet down a little.

‘The main issue was that the wound had become infected. We had to work really hard to kill that. It’s good that your brother decided to fly you out to Delhi. We have better facilities here.’

Noel frowned. ‘So why was I in multiple surgeries?’

‘Internal bleeding, inside the wound. We were unable to locate it, until we found the bone shard. All that is fixed now. But the healing process will take a long time, especially to get full mobility in that arm back - at least months. You might never get back full strength in it again, probably not even full mobility’ he said soberly.

Something was nagging Noel. ‘What does that mean? Can I go back to active duty?’

The doctor shook his head. ‘I’m afraid not,’ he said, gently. ‘You wouldn’t be able to go back to the field. You can, however, go back to administrative services,’ he added. He knew, however, that his patient would not be satisfied with that. He would want to be out on the field, fighting next to his comrades. Then again, that was a choice he had to make.

Noel nodded quietly. The full magnitude of the impact of this news on his life, had yet to hit him. That night, the pains came again, and he depressed the morphine drip, glad of the release that it brought.

The next time Noel woke up, the entire family was there. Naveen, Naval, Shelley, Naveen’s wife, his nephews, Rohan and Rollie. He felt much better, but also a little disoriented, as he was missing three weeks of his life!

One more thing was bugging him. ‘Naval, where’s Papa?’ he asked amidst the excitement of everybody else in seeing him awake finally.

Naval smiled and said, ‘Papa was here all morning. We are the evening shift!’

Noel laughed, but then grimaced, more at the stiffness in the shoulder, than the dull pain underlying it.

*****

The door to the conference room opened after a soft tap. Dev popped his head in.

‘Noel,’ he tapped his watch. ‘It’s almost 1:30. Do you folks want to go eat?’

Noel shook himself off from the memories of those days. Dev had brought him back to today. To Mitul sitting in front of him, sitting with pain writ large in her eyes.

She swung around to look at Dev and said, ‘I should get going, I guess.’

‘Have lunch with us before you go, Mitul,’ Dev suggested. ‘It’s late enough already.’

‘Dev’s right. Why don’t you have lunch with us?’ Noel stood up and asked.

She looked uncertainly from one to the other and then said, ‘all right. I’ll join you,’ smiling politely.
They waited till she’d gathered all her things, before leaving together.

Over lunch, Dev wanted to know how it was going.

‘It’s going well, I think,’ Mitul’s voice was low.

The corner of his lip lifted in a sardonic smile. ‘You think?’

‘It’s ...’ she stopped unable to go further. The revelations had her still her reeling. She looked at Noel and asked, ‘does it bother you, still?’

He knew what she was referring to and smiled, shook his head and said, ‘only when it’s cold. Which never happens in Mumbai,’ effectively lightening her mood. He was happy to see the light come back in her eyes, as she smiled. He was glad he was able to make her smile.

None of his thoughts, however, showed on his face.

*****

Mitul spent the rest of the day with Joyce, going over what she’d learnt and how she wanted present it.

Joyce was as shocked as Mitul to learn about the revelations of Noel’s life.

‘I had no idea!’ she sounded as stunned as she looked.

‘Neither did I, Joyce,’ Mitul said softly. ‘If these were to become public knowledge, who knows what the fall out of it would be,’ she paused. ‘Especially for him,’ her voice had softened.

Joyce narrowed her eyes. She’d known about Mitul’s fascination about Noel for a long time. She’d always put it down to adulation. But Mitul had been interacting with him on a regular basis for the past few months. It seems like she had known that there was a story to be told there.

She just hoped that Noel wasn’t taking advantage of the girl’s idealism.

She liked Mitul.

Because, despite the fact that she’d established herself as a bona-fide writer, despite her keen appetite for knowing all there was to know about the world around her, despite the fact that she was a smart, strong, independent woman, there was still a large stubborn streak of romanticism and naivete in her.

Joyce was aware of this, uncomfortably so.

She’d never seen Noel and Mitul interact. But she hoped that Mitul had kept her pragmatic self in control, and not gone and done anything stupid like falling in love with the man. Falling in love with an actor was a straight ride down a slippery slope to Heartbreak Hotel, in her opinion.

Joyce kept all these thoughts to herself. She never interfered in her writers’ personal lives, preferring not to get too involved in them. That way, she never felt bad when she had to criticize someone or call something out as pure drivel or as she called it - crap!

‘So,’ she pulled herself out of her thoughts. ‘What do you want to do?’

Mitul had thought this over very carefully. What she said was, ‘I think we should get the whole story, but let him decide what he wants to keep in, and what he wants to rule out,’ she said firmly. ‘It’s his story - how much he chooses to tell or not should be up to him.’

‘He’s already told you all this. It’s on record, there’s no reason for him to back out now,’ Joyce pointed out.

‘True,’ Mitul agreed.

Why on earth was she protecting him? Hadn’t been this the very reason that she’d started on this journey in the first place? So why was she hesitating now?

‘But I still think, we let him know what our doubts or issues are. This is more than just Noel James. There are larger, more sensitive issues here. This could easily affect his career and ...’ she stopped. She really was protesting too much, she thought. But she had to give this chance to Noel.

Joyce looked at her thoughtfully, her face giving little away. She seemed to be weighing something on her mind. Finally, she nodded and said, ‘okay. We’ll do it your way. Finish the book and we’ll let his legal team decide on the final release.’

Mitul didn’t realize she had been holding her breath. She sighed in relief, closing her eyes. Then opening them once again when Joyce continued.

‘I’d like a first draft by ...’ she quoted a day in four weeks.

‘Joyce, my cousins, both of them are getting married in six weeks - it’s a double wedding. I’ll barely have time to breathe, once they come down from Canada. So you have to give me a little more time,’ she pleaded.

‘Oh! Well,’ her lips pursed, Joyce did not look pleased. ‘how much longer do you need?’

‘Seven weeks. The week after the wedding, I can have it ready for review,’ she promised, mentally making a note to call Dev and ask for more time from Noel.

Joyce nodded. ‘Seven weeks it is. And not a moment more,’ she smiled.

Mitul grinned at her, and impulsively hugged her, ‘Thanks, Joyce.’

Joyce was startled, and pulled back.

Mitul laughed. ‘And don’t forget. You’re coming for the wedding, too!’

Joyce laughed before starting to discuss her weekly assignment. After all, she still had to earn her salary!

*****

Mitul called Dev on the way home. She felt much better after this chat with Joyce. But she also had to keep to her schedule. Hence the call to Dev.

‘Mitul, hi!’ he answered.

‘Dev, I need some time with Noel this week again. Do you think it would be possible?’ she asked.

Dev was silent. Then he said, ‘let me call you back and let you know. It’s Wednesday already.’

‘I know, and I really appreciate it. Thanks, Dev,’ she said.

*****

Dev turned off the phone and turned to Noel, who was busy checking his hair in the mirror, seemingly unaffected by the call. They were in Noel’s vanity at the outdoor location.

‘That was Mitul,’ he said.

‘I gathered as much,’ Noel replied.

Dev waited for him to ask the obvious question, but he didn’t. ‘She wants more time with you this week,’ he finally told Noel’s back.

Noel stilled. He turned around and looked at his friend, his green eyes narrowed.

‘Why?’ he asked.

Dev shook his head. ‘She didn’t say why, just that she wanted to continue.’

Noel took a deep breath and then said, ‘no.’

‘No?’

‘No.’

Dev was baffled. ‘Why no? why now? You agreed to do this biography thing, and now, you want to back out?’

Noel’s jaws clenched. He visibly controlled some strong emotion within him that Dev couldn’t understand and then said very quietly, ‘I don’t think I can talk to her any more. We reached the point right after I got injured. I don’t want to talk about what followed, not that nor what happened with my first serial.’

Dev was shocked, mouth open, jaws slack, shocked. ‘You can’t tell her this now? You agreed to this, Noel. You knew the point would come when you would have to do this. So why back off now?’ He was breathing heavily, frustrated with Noel.

‘Or is it something to do with the fact that it’s Mitul who will hear about this part of your life?’

‘That’s ... got nothing to do with it!’ Noel snapped in a low voice. ‘I don’t want to expose myself that much.’ Especially, not to her, he added to himself.

Dev looked at him, exasperated, but stepped back, letting Noel think for himself. ‘Your choice, Noel.’ he put a hand on his shoulder. ‘Let me know, I need to call her today.’ He turned around and walked out of the vanity.

Ten minutes later, he got the call.

‘Tell her I’ll meet her tomorrow. You set up the time and place.’

Dev smiled grimly as he hung up.

****

Five-Thirty AM - XX

The Imani household was quiet on the Saturday afternoon. Maina and her parents had left for Pune the day before. So Mitul had decided to start working on the transcript, and was hard at work on it.

She took off her headphones and leaned back against the head board, eyes closed, going over the whole story in her mind. She wondered how one lived with oneself after something like this. Noel had and he’d survived.

****

Manipur in the fall is one of the best times of the year to visit. The hills and jungles of this border state could have made it one of the top tourists spots in the country. The unique ethnic make up of the people could contribute to the diversity that is India. The uniqueness of its culture could add to the melting pot that makes up India. Yet, this border state had been in the throes of strife over the decades.

The North-East was burning in 2006. The in-fighting between the insurgent groups, the insurgents and the infiltrators, and the army was taking a toll, and beautiful or not, Manipur was suffering the worst kind of trauma. The ruling powers of Delhi and even Kolkata were a world away from the reality on the ground. And to top it all, the Indian Army was being accused of alleged Human Rights violations in the region. It was not a good time to be in the North-East.

Noel’s battalion had been stationed in Manipur since the beginning of the year. He was battle weary. He’d seen conflicts in other parts of India. He’d been involved in some of the worst. But this was what he’d signed up for, to uphold the sovereignty of his country and protect her from her enemies within and without.

They were stationed on the outskirts of a little hill town. Lush forests climbed up the hillsides. Tall tropical moist deciduous trees covered the hills, providing a leafy, green ceiling. The floor of the forest was covered in tall grass and shrubs. The only way to get around was in jeeps or bikes over dirt tracks overgrown with grass.

The battalion had been on the track of a group, that operated along the Manipur-Nagaland border. They’d finally received information on the location of some of the leaders, and a forward team of four was sent out to reconnoitre.

The leaves of the forest brushed their cheeks as they rode through the jungle in the open jeep. With them, was their best navigator and tracker - Ranvir Singh - batman for Major Noel Figueiredo.

They were well inside the confines of the jungle when the IED exploded under them. Ranvir Singh was killed on impact.

******

‘What’s a batman?’ asked Mitul, curious about the term.

‘An orderly or a helper. He’s kind of like your personal assistant. Keeps your uniform and arms in order, serves as your driver, goes into combat with you, keeps you safe,’ Noel replied.

‘Tell me about Ranvir Singh,’ she prodded gently.

‘He was assigned to me, from the day I joined my commission. Only a commissioned officer get a batman. Ranvir was from Rajasthan,’ he had a far away look in his eyes as he chuckled. ‘He hated being up in the North, the cold. He just hated it. But he never complained. Just looked forward to the days when he could go back to his deserts.’

He sat silently for a bit.

‘The man could navigate, you know, Mitul. He could navigate his way out of a desert, with the stars. And he could track. He was so good at it. He’s the one who taught me how to read tracks, in any terrain.’

She remembered wondering how he had spotted the tracks up in cottage country. Now she knew. She waited, seeing how he seemed to be going over something in his mind his eyes filling with tears.

‘Ranvir was like an older brother to me. I’ve always been lucky that way!’ he gave a brief humorless laugh. ‘He would look after me, much more than this duties. If I was sick, he’d be right there beside me, scolding me if I didn’t take my medication, or eat properly. He actually fussed over me.’ He paused. ‘He would have given his life for me,’ his voice was raw with pain.

‘Where were you when ... it happened?’ she asked.

*******

Six weeks before Ranvir’s death, Noel had returned to Goa on his furlough. He’d been looking forward to this time. His brothers too, had cleared their calendars so they could spend at least some of his furlough with him. It was a family reunion of sorts.

The family pampered him. He reveled in it, and although he tried to show otherwise, they knew he liked it. He was, after all, the baby in the family.

Two days before he was due to return, he got a call. He sat in silence as his parents hovered around him.

‘Ranvir was killed,’ he whispered, tears rolling down his face. ‘IED,’ he choked, as his mother drew him into a hug.

He took a detour on his way back, stopping at the small Rajasthani village in the desert, that was Ranvir’s home.

They were surprised to see him. His gora looks and tall physique made him stick out like a sore thumb. He had come to meet Ranvir’s family. A young wife who stood there mutely, shell-shocked, in her white sari, devoid of her sindoor and mangalsutra. A six-year old child that clung to her mother’s sari, sucking on her thumb. Ranvir’s daughter. And a widowed mother, who wailed at the loss of her oldest child. He hadn’t known how to comfort them, but the image remained imprinted on his mind.

A cold fury took over him, and stayed burning even after he reached his battalion.

‘Who did it?’ he bit out, looking at each of the team leads in turn.

‘It’s the insurgent group that operates out of here, sir,’ replied his lieutenant.

‘Find them. Find me the man who killed Ranvir,’ he snapped, his voice cold, his eyes alight with a green fire his men had never seen before.

Two days later they found the group. The men were brought in, a scruffy looking group of four, tied and bound.

He stood looking at them quietly, his towering six-two height easily intimidating them over their much shorter stature. But it was the ice-cold fury within him that frightened them, the single overhead bulb making the dark shadows of his stubble darker, lending an almost devilish look to his face.

‘Which one of you planted the IED?’ he asked softly, the husky voice sending shivers down the back of his men. They’d never seen Major Figueiredo angry before.

The men stayed sullenly quiet.

‘Okay. You don’t want to tell me?’ his voice was soft, almost polite. ‘Fine. Let me inform you of one thing. You will tell me which one of you it was. And you will be begging to tell me about it when I’m done with you,’ he was almost whispering, his face close to each one of theirs in turn. A soft, feathery whisper that chilled like the cold winds from the North.

But they still stayed silent. He stepped back, his face impassive.

‘Take them away,’ he ordered. As the men were being led out, his eyes followed them.

Suddenly he called, ‘Wait.’ He walked past them slowly, and then tapped one man on the shoulder. The man who was sweating just a little more than the others, whose shoulders had slumped in relief.

‘This one.’ He paused and then ordered, ‘leave him here,’ he said.

******

‘Then what did you do?’ Mitul whispered.

‘I stood him on a box of explosives and blew him up,’ Noel said expressionlessly, his jaws clenched, a vein ticking on his temple, his eyes looking at nothing.

She was stunned.

‘Yeah. I blew up a man,’ he gave another of those humorless laughs. ‘There were pieces of him, like minced meat, that flew up in the air. All around. Ruined my uniform. I had to burn it.’

She sat quiet for a while, digesting this.

‘Did you let Ranvir’s family know that you’d punished the man who did this?’ she asked quietly.

He looked at her puzzled, surprised at her question. He hadn’t expected that - her understanding. He searched her face for disgust, condemnation, judgment. All he saw in her eyes was understanding, and a deep sympathy.

Because she did understand.

Somehow, she knew why he’d done it. She knew that he felt answerable to Ranvir’s family, that he needed to give them closure, the only way he knew how. That he himself needed that closure, from the pain of a friend’s death. So she didn’t for a moment judge him or his acts.

He stayed quiet for a few moments, looking away, and then replied, ‘I went back to Rajasthan. Told them that I’d punished the man responsible for his death.’

*****

Mitul finished transcribing her notes. She had not expected something like this from Noel. The charming, gentle Noel she knew, was nowhere near like this, the man he’d described himself to be. So dark! There was more to the story, she was sure.

It hadn’t explained the scar on his chest.

Other men would be having nightmares about it, she thought. He kept it all inside, and only she had been allowed a first look at this side of him. The loyal friend, the commanding officer, the avenging angel.

How many more layers did this man have? she wondered.

Tired, she slid down on the bed, and fell asleep.

****

Later that evening she was sitting at the dining table talking to her parents, when her phone rang. Noel.

‘Hey, Mitul,’ he said when she answered.

‘Hi,’ she greeted him.

‘Look. I just wanted you to know. Next week, we’ll be shooting on location, out and about town. So if you want to come by and see how it’s done, you’re more than welcome,’ he said.  

‘Thanks, I might take you up on it,’ she said quietly.

‘Just let me or Dev know, and we’ll make sure you’re allowed on the sets, okay?’ he asked.

‘Sure,’ she replied. ‘Thanks,’

‘Good night, Mitul,’ his voice was quiet.

‘Good night,’ she replied.

Her parents had been watching this conversation, and now her mother finally asked the one question that a mother’s heart wants to know. About her daughter’s love life, specifically, the man at the center of her daughter’s love life.

‘Tell us about Noel. We didn’t get a chance to talk about him,’ she said.

‘What’s there to tell, Ma?’ she asked.

‘Well, for starters, is he really that good-looking in real life?’ her mother asked teasingly.

‘Yes, he is, Ma,’ she said, resignedly. ‘He’s very tall. About six-two and he’s good looking. His eyes are really green. What else?’ she took the offensive into her mother’s court.

‘Hmmm.. that six-two might present a problem,’ her mother pretended to be worried.

She just looked at her mother incredulously.

‘What’s he like as a person?’ her mother was unrelenting.

‘Nice ... I guess,’ she shrugged.

‘Just nice?’ her mother laughed disbelievingly. ‘Mitul, you used to be his fan! Now you spend hours with him, listening to his life story and all you can say is he’s nice, you guess?’

‘Yes, he’s nice, Ma. He’s a good boy. Satisfied?’ she got up and started to walk away. She was still feeling a bit raw from today’s revelation, and couldn’t speak about him without feeling emotional. Instead, it had come out irritated and angry.

Her parents waited till she’d left the room, and then her father spoke for the first time, ‘wonder why she doesn’t want to talk about him?’

Her mother frowned, ‘I don’t know, but I will find out,’ she said quietly.

*****

Mitul had been having a hard time coming to terms with Noel’s revelation. While one part of her wondered if it were even right to take a life deliberately, the other part of her understood that urgent need within him to lash out in anger and grief at his friend’s death. Ranvir hadn’t been just his batman, he had also been a close friend to Noel.

She thought long and hard about this side of him. It seemed so out of character. From the funny, goofy side that she was so used to, this was a man that had taken a decision, that wasn’t entirely morally correct and yet, it felt justified. She’d understood that. She’d understood the pain that had driven him. And she ached for his pain.

It had been a week since she’d had that conversation with him.

They’d talked on the phone, mainly if she had a question, or if he wanted to let her know about his shooting schedule. Their conversations were still formal, still stilted. In fact, if she thought about it, Noel had made it a point to keep it formal, very formal.

But today, Wednesday, she was meeting him again. This time at Dev’s office. Dev had booked a conference room for them so they could talk as long as they needed.

She arrived on the dot of nine, dressed in a simple pale yellow cotton churidar kameez with tiny pastel embroidery on it. Her hair was in a ponytail, and all she wore in the name of makeup was a pale coffee lipstick, and mascara.

‘Hey, Mitul,’ Dev greeted her, holding out his hand.

She was surprised at this. He’d seemed exuberant the last time she’d met him. But then, this was his office, and she guessed that’s why he was formal.

He led her to a small conference room, and showed her in, turning on the lights. ‘Hope this is okay,’ he said. ‘Do you want some coffee or something to drink?’

‘Thanks, coffee would be good,’ she said. She followed him to the tiny pantry, where a coffee machine stood, and got a cup for herself.

He accompanied her back to the conference room and said, ‘Noel’s running a bit late. He’ll be here as soon as he can make it, but he’ll be here,’ he smiled to reassure her, before excusing himself and leaving her alone.

She was standing, looking out of the window, framed in the light of the sun when he walked in finally. She turned to him, and for a moment, forgot everything about protecting her foolish heart and drank him in.

Dressed in a pair of dark trousers and an open-necked off-white shirt, he looked devastatingly gorgeous! Her heart skipped a beat and ran off racing towards him.

Noel hadn’t been prepared for the shock wave that passed through him as he read the naked want in her eyes. He stopped as he felt his breath catch in his throat, his eyes answering that need, before he dropped the shutter of his lids.

When he looked up, she saw the polite, formal look back in his eyes. She swallowed and said, ‘Hi, Noel.’

‘Hi,’ he replied back.

She sat down and gestured to a chair, ‘shall we start?’

*****

Major Figuieredo had a new batman. Moti Lal. He was good and he was capable. But he wasn’t Ranvir Singh. Many a time, Noel found himself calling for Ranvir before he stopped and corrected himself.

Since the day he’d killed the man who’d planted the IED, things had quietened a little bit. It had been three months since then.

Noel was exhausted. He knew he needed to rest, his vision was blurring and he rubbed his eyes and decided to call it a day. An hour, that’s all he needed. A power nap. He sat at his desk, as he went through the information that he’d just received.

The insurgents had been regrouping, this they already knew. A new leader seemed to have emerged. This one more vicious than the last one had been. He was also fearless and charismatic, and was quickly recruiting more members to his cause and into his group.

They needed to find these people before the real attacks began. They could expect them to be ferocious. They would definitely be atrocious.

They had information, but it was not detailed enough, sketchy at worst. The locals refused to help them for the most part. Trying to piece all of it together was a like a giant jigsaw puzzle. This was the cause of Noel’s exhaustion.

He got up and stretched, deciding he needed to step back a little and let the information gel through his mind.

‘Moti Lal,’ he called as he stepped outside, taking off his beret and running a hand through his damp, sweaty hair.

Moti Lal came up and saluted smartly. ‘Jeep,’ Noel said. He stood waiting for the jeep, and Captain Bohra, his second in command joined him. The two chatted quietly, until Moti Lal brought the jeep around. He slung himself into the passenger seat, his left leg still on the running board as they took off. Bohra took the back.

It was a mile to their accommodations, and they dropped Bohra off.

Moti Lal started the jeep and pushed it into gear, starting to move forward.

That was when Noel felt it. The burning excruciating pain, that exploded from his back and traveled through his chest, nano seconds before he heard the sound of the shot. A brief cry of pain burst from his mouth, as he slumped over, blood flowing from the wound.

Moti Lal twisted to look at him.

Captain Bohra spun around, running towards him when the grenade hit the ground, falling just short of the house.

A spume of fire and smoke went up. An ear splitting roar split the afternoon sky. Bohra was thrown up in the air, and landed in front of the jeep, as it rocked from the aftershock.

Noel registered the heat and the light from the grenade. He saw Bohra go flying over the hood. He felt a hundred pin pricks on his back. He didn’t hear anything. He had passed out.

******

Five-Thirty AM - XIX

Noel stepped out of the massive green painted doors of the sound stage where he’d been shooting. It was mid-morning, and he was ready to take a break. Dev, however, told him that a group of fans were waiting to meet with him. So now he made his way out of the door, grumbling to himself about Dev’s high-handed ways when it came to dealing with his, Noel’s time.

He plastered on a bright smile as he came around the corner and saw the group of girls, all in their late teens and early twenties at best. All of them had huge smiles on their faces, their delight at seeing their favorite actor shining on their bright faces.

He didn’t mind doing this, to be honest. These were the people who made or broke their careers. It was their love that kept the interest going, and he was grateful to them for that, and he felt owed them this.

They asked for his permission to take pictures, and he gladly posed with them, accepting the gifts they handed to him, cards, flowers and sundry gifts all of which would make their way to his dressing room or his home. He was signing autographs when he noticed the gates to the compound swing open and a car drive through. He couldn’t make out the driver, but he figured that anyone the guards let through would be someone that was expected by someone on the sets.

The driver sat in the car for a minute before opening the door. He looked over as a floppy hat come into view. A hat he recognized easily, because he’d bought it in Ruidoso!

Mitul!

She’d been in India over a week, and hadn’t called. He hadn’t spoken to Joyce either. Now out of the blue she was here? He couldn’t control the feeling of elation that burst in him as he looked at her. He wasn’t even aware that he wore his heart on his face. He smiled as he turned to look at her.

At that precise moment, one of the girls took a snap. It was a closeup. His eyes gazing into the distance, a smile on his face, lips slightly parted - a smile full of genuine pleasure, the green eyes alight with love. That picture would go viral on Twitter and Facebook and online forums, and female fans around the world would be going ‘Hai!’ and ‘Thud!’ and ‘I Heart Noel’ when they saw it.

But the woman for whom he’d smiled seemed not to notice him standing there.

Noel excused himself from the group, but it was at least a minute or two before he could finally leave. She had already gone inside. He followed her in, and looked around. She was nowhere to be found. Letting out a breath of frustration, he turned as the director called out to him.

She was sitting in Noel’s dressing room. The one room that afforded a modicum of privacy on the set. She had seen Noel standing there surrounded by a group of girls, seemingly basking in their adulation. That’s when she’d put on the hat before stepping out of the car. She’d missed the smile, the brim cutting off her view. She had looked around for Dev as he’d asked her to come here today, instead of the office. Noel was shooting for only a part of the time, but he was required on the sets, and they could fit the interview in between shots, he’d said.

A worker bee had met her inside, and led her to Noel’s dressing room, which was where she was when Dev finally walked in.

‘Hey, Mitul,’ he held out his arms to her and they hugged. ‘It’s been a long time!’

‘Yes, it has, Dev,’ she laughed up at him.

‘How have you been? and how does it feel to be back home?’ he asked.

‘I’ve been good, and it feels great to be back,’ she smiled.

‘Well, I’m sure India is glad to have you back, too,’ he grinned mischievously at her, the meaning behind his words clear.

It was at that moment that Noel entered, having finally found out where she was. The room suddenly turned awkward.

‘Hi,’ his voice like raw silk over her skin.

‘Hi,’ she said softly, awkwardly.

‘I’ll leave you two to get on with it,’ Dev said, and then bit his tongue at the double entendre as they both did a double-take. ‘I mean, I should really be getting along,’ he corrected and rushed out of the room, shutting the door behind him before he burst out laughing at his own slip. Talk about a Freudian slip! he thought, chuckling to himself.

Inside Noel, gestured towards the chair, ‘have a seat.’ He was glad of the makeup on his face that hid the heat he could feel rising into it. Mitul, he could see had turned darker too. Somehow, that made him feel a little better.

He sat down on another chair and then asked, ‘how come you’re here?’

‘Dev asked me to come. We were supposed to meet this afternoon, and then, he called and said your shoot would carry over, so why don’t I come here instead?’ she rushed into her explanation.

Noel nodded. His eyes were hooded as they searched her face. ‘How have you been?’

‘Good,’ she said, looking around the dressing room. ‘And you?’

‘Never been better,’ he said deeply, letting her understand what he meant.

‘This is a nice room!’ she responded, with a bright smile.

‘Yes. It is,’ he dismissed it. ‘Look, you can come and wait on the sets. I have to do a few more shots, and then I’m free. Can we do lunch?’

She swallowed and nodded.

‘Great,’ he said.

A knock came on the door. The Assistant Director was calling Noel in for the shot.

He stood up, holding out his hand for her to stand up too. She took it, and stood up. Swooping down, he planted a soft, lingering kiss on her cheek and watched with a smile as her eyes opened wide as she gazed at him. So she wasn’t unaffected as she wanted him to believe! Good! He dropped her hand, and turned away to the door.

‘Let’s go,’ he held the door open, not giving her a chance to think.

She walked out woodenly, silently following him to the set. Her mind was in a whirl. She’d thought that with all that had happened, Noel would keep his distance. It would be easier to walk away from him. But this kiss! She touched her cheek, which for some reason was hotter than the other one. It seemed like he hadn’t gotten the message!

Or was it that stupid, stupid phone call she’d made? What had she said? She couldn’t remember anything of it. Anything at all, other than his husky chuckle.

She had to make him understand. This ... this ... thing whatever it was between them, wasn’t going to go anywhere. The sooner she nipped it in the bud, the better for her. He could find someone else to spend all his time with. Someone from any of those girls that always were around him, or that actress that he was with - from his new serial! He could have his pick of women. He should just leave her alone! She didn’t need a pain like Noel in her life.

****

Noel had insisted on driving them to lunch in her car. Dev would drop his car off at his place later. He drove steadily, one hand on the wheel, the other on the gear.

Mitul sat baffled at the man next to her.

One minute he was coming on to her at the studio.

Then he’d left her sitting on the sets while he worked. He was focused, listening carefully to the director’s words, before facing the camera. From what she understood, he didn’t have much dialogues to say. All he had to provide was reaction to the cues he was given. He didn’t complain when one particular shot required quite a few takes, instead walking aside, head down, focusing on how he would do it, before facing the camera again.

She hadn’t joined him in the dressing room as he changed before they left for lunch.

And somewhere in between, Mitul realized, he had become the calm, collected colleague that she’d wanted him to be.

The only time when he’d let slip that persona was when they had reached her car.

Mitul being short, had had to raise the driver’s seat to the highest point to be able to see out of the windshield. She’d gotten into the passenger seat as he struggled to fit his frame behind the wheel.

Noticing how the steering wheel almost crushed his lap, he’d looked ruefully at her, and said, ‘what are you trying to do? Castrate me?’

She’d choked before she was able to reply, the heat coming off her ears, ‘have you seen how, how vertically challenged I am?’ She gestured to herself.

He had settled himself into the seat and said, ‘I know,’ very softly, ‘just how vertically challenged you are,’ allowing his eyes to take in the full length of her vertically challenged self.

She’d turned away, fighting to stem the heat rising in her cheeks. After that one exchange, however, he’d reverted to a polite, almost formal persona. His topics of conversation were impersonal, his voice and manners impeccably polite. In short, he did everything he could do make her feel comfortable.

All it did was make her feel confused!

To take her mind off her confusion, she had been looking out of the window, trying to figure out where she was. ‘Where are we?’ she asked. She didn’t recognize anything of the area they were passing by.

‘Almost there,’ he said.

She frowned. This did not look like a place where you’d find a restaurant. It was more like a residential area, tall apartment buildings, playgrounds, and parks were on either side of the quiet tree-lined street. She glanced at him, but he was paying attention to his driving. Soon, he pulled up inside the gates of what looked like an apartment complex and deftly parked the car.

He got out, and led the way into one of the high-rise buildings. Her heart was racing uncomfortably fast now, knowing that a restaurant was the last place they were going. She could almost guess where they were, but she wasn’t going to open her mouth and ask about it, as if somehow, that would make a difference to the answer.

They got off the elevators at the tenth floor - the topmost floor. With only four doors facing them, each was a corner apartment. He rang the doorbell at one and waited while someone opened the door from inside.

An elderly man stood back from the door, inviting them to walk in, smiling at her kindly. She relaxed a little bit, knowing that someone else was also in here.

Noel introduced her to Shomu and then said, ‘Welcome to my home, Mitul,’ very formally.

‘Thanks,’ she gulped.

‘Have a seat,’ he gestured to the comfortable couch. Before he could say anything else, the phone rang. ‘Excuse me,’ he picked up the cordless handset, and walked through one of the closed doors that opened off the main area, shutting it behind him.

She looked around her, taking in the sparse, but comfortable furniture, the bright splotches of color and the green plants. The photographs. The curtains were pulled back allowing the daylight to come in through the North facing windows. It was beautiful, comfortable, and had a lived-in feel.

Shomu came back with a tray on which sat two glasses of juice.

‘Lunch will be ready in ten minutes,’ he said. ‘If you want to use the bathroom, it’s through there,’ he pointed it out.

‘Thank you,’ she murmured, picking up the glass of juice. He smiled at her and went back to what she assumed was the kitchen.

After a little while, Noel came back out and sat on the lazy boy. ‘Sorry about that. That was my big brother,’ he explained. She nodded dumbly.

‘Shomu! Is lunch ready yet?’ he called.

‘Yes, Noel baba. Come to the dining table. I’m bringing it there,’ Shomu called back.

‘Shomu’s been with our family for years. Mom let him come with me to Mumbai when I shifted here,’ he led the way to the dining space, and held a chair for her to sit down.

The meal was simple, and that was her second surprise. Her first surprise was his behavior and of course, the kiss! She choked then, and he thumped her back while she gulped down water.

‘Mitul,’ he said, after one of the long pauses. ‘You’re so quiet. What happened?’

‘I didn’t expect you to bring me here,’ she was honest about it.

‘Well, you needed peace and quiet for our conversation. I can’t think of a more peaceful atmosphere than a home,’ he said. ‘Besides, it was closer and I always prefer a home-cooked meal to a restaurant one.’

It sounded plausible enough, she thought. Lunch over, the two of them settled down in the living room with mugs of coffee as she brought her recorder out.

Shomu was going out somewhere, and would be back later, he informed them. Noel nodded as he left, shutting the door behind them, leaving them to talk in peace.

*****

Shomu hurried to the nearest PCO. He dialed a number and waited till the phone was picked up at the other end, and heard, ‘Hello?’

‘It’s Shomu speaking ... Noel baba just brought a girl home with him ... yes, the one in the photo ... he called me from work today, said he was bringing someone home from lunch ... yes ... yes, of course ... no, no, she seems like a nice girl ... very beautiful, but short ... no ... no ... nothing like those other girls he goes out with ... yes, I know ... no ... Mitul ... Okay ... they just had lunch, and sat and talked ... no ... I couldn’t make out ... no, it didn’t seem like that, but Noel baba ... I don’t know, but he seemed happy to have her there ... I will, don’t worry ... yes ... I’m hanging up. Namastey, Ma-ji!’

He hung up and paid for the call, before leisurely making his way back to Noel’s.

*****

They’d talked for hours. Rather Noel had talked and she had listened. As always, he spoke more than he wanted to, but Mitul was a trained listener. She listened to a story of pain, and blood and gore. Much, much more than she had wanted to know. But this was ultimately what had made Noel what he was today.

Finally, he leaned back, weary with the painful memories.

She looked at him, closely. There were tired lines around his eyes. She wanted to reach out and wipe them away. Instead, she asked ‘coffee?’

He nodded. She picked up both their mugs and went to the kitchen. He heard her talking to Shomu. He watched her bringing back the coffee. The sheer intimacy of the moment sent a pang of longing through him. Somehow she accentuated what was missing in his life.

‘Do you still keep in touch with your mates or their families?’ she asked.

‘Some of them. Yes. I do,’ he nodded. Then smiled grimly, ‘they still can’t believe I’m doing what I’m doing today.’

She looked out of the window. The sun was already low in the sky. ‘I should get going,’ she said, gathering up her things.

‘Stay,’ he blurted out, the word leaving his mouth before he could stop himself.

She was startled, her eyes wide, meeting his. He hooded them before she could see the naked want in them. She shook her head.

‘I have to go. My uncle, aunt and Maina, my cousin, leave tomorrow. I have to be home for dinner,’ she said.

He nodded, gathering himself, not letting her see the disappointment in his heart. ‘Yes, of course,’ he surprised her, yet again. ‘I’ll walk you down.’

He waited until she’d put on her heels again, she’d taken them off at some point in the afternoon, he’d noticed. ‘So your uncle and his family were visiting?’ he asked conversationally.

Back to being formal again, she thought, feeling the distance grow between them.

‘Yes. They live in Pune. They’d just come down for a few days, they’ll be coming back for Piya-Jiya’s wedding,’ she replied.

He nodded. ‘And this is your dad’s brother?’

‘Yes, he’s my chachu,’ her affection for her uncle showing in her voice.

They’d reached the car park and he gave her directions to the nearest highway to get home.

Before she could drive away, he put a hand on her window. ‘Mitul, something I wanted to ask you. I had planned on asking Joyce, but I figured it’d be better if I asked you instead.’

She frowned, puzzled.

‘I don’t have your phone number. Can I have it?’ He hesitated, and then added, ‘that is, if you don’t mind giving it to me.’

‘Oh. Of course,’ she was flustered. She pulled out her phone and called his number. He put his hand in his pocket and took out phone, storing the number in memory.

‘Thanks,’ he said, stepping back from the door. ‘Good night.’

‘Good night,’ she said, before she put the car into gear and drove away.

He was just walking back in through the doors, when he heard a ‘Hey!’ behind him.

Dev. He’d come by to drop off Noel’s car. Noel turned around and waited while Dev caught up to him. The two of them went up together.

‘What were you doing down here?’ Dev asked.

‘Oh, Mitul had come by. We worked through the afternoon,’ Noel replied casually.

Dev raised a skeptical eyebrow. Noel looked at him blandly.

‘So how’d it go?’ Dev wanted the details.

‘How’d what go?’

‘You know, first meeting since the trip.’

Noel shrugged. ‘Nothing special.’

Dev frowned. ‘Nothing?’

‘Nope.’

‘And you brought her here ... why?’

‘We needed a place to talk, and the house seemed the easiest place to do it.’

‘Do what?’

‘Talk, you idiot. What are you talking about?’

‘Oh. Nothing.’

They’d walked into the apartment by then. Noel looked at him exasperatedly as they both sank onto the couch.

Shomu came and asked them if they needed something. They both asked for water. He went away to fetch it.

‘So, you didn’t talk about anything personal,’ Dev persisted.

‘The biography is personal, Dev,’ Noel drawled sarcastically.

‘You know I meant about you two,’ Dev wasn’t about to let it go.

Noel took a deep breath, waiting till Shomu had left the water and was safely back in the kitchen.

‘No. Shomu was here, most of the time. And she’s made it abundantly clear that she wants to maintain a professional relationship. So I’m not going to pursue her, if that’s what she wants. I’m not going to try to change her mind,’ Noel’s voice vibrated with his hurt and anger.

Dev was quiet, feeling his friend’s pain, letting him talk through it.

‘I asked her to stay for dinner. She had to go. Her uncle and his family are leaving for Pune tomorrow, so of course, she couldn’t stay.’

‘Her uncle?’

‘Yes. Chachu and his family.’

Dev nodded understandingly. ‘So now what?’

‘Now nothing. She’s made it very clear what she wants. I’ll just respect it and get on with my life,’ he bit out.

*****

Shomu heard this whole conversation.

Oh, this was not good. Noel baba liked this girl. He could see that. But, she didn’t like his Noel baba? How could she not like him? How was it even possible?!

All the girls liked him! And the one girl he liked, she didn’t like him?

Shomu decided he didn’t like Mitul one bit for not liking his Noel baba!

****