Five-Thirty AM - XIV

Mitul came out of the bathroom feeling a little self-conscious about walking out in a dress that was very unlike what she usually wore. The mid-thigh sleeveless sheath was in a rich red-brown, clinging lovingly to every curve. It had a simple boat neck, showing off the smooth brown lines of her collar bone, and the hollows underneath. What brought the dress up a notch was the richly embellished silver and turquoise belt that flattered her slim waist, tied at the center with leather ties. Matching silver and turquoise earrings swung from her ears, shaped like bear claws with delicate silver feathers dangling off the bottom. Her makeup was golden, a deep copper lipstick emphasizing her full lips, providing the pop of color. She’d left her hair loose after wondering for a full minute what to do with it.

Noel had finished dressing, and was waiting for her to come out of the bathroom where she seemed to be taking an inordinately long time. He turned around when he heard the door open and his breath stopped in his throat. He swallowed trying to clear it.

She looked like something that rose from the essence of the earth, a lushness that spoke of the parched earth of the desert, and then the cooling mist of the rain. He was feeling light-heated as he smelt the earthy tones of her fragrance, sandalwood and musk. It was a heady perfume. She stood in front of him, looked up and said, ‘is this too much do you think?’

He cleared his throat, but it still sounded husky even to his own ears, ‘it’s perfect. You’re perfect.’ He held out his arm. ‘Shall we go?’

The evening passed in bliss. A quiet meal looking out over the lake, then out to the casino. Everything was fine until Noel noticed that she wasn’t exactly keeping count of her drinks. And much as he liked how she looked with her eyes getting a little bleary, and a slightly woozy smile on her face, he decided it was time to head back to the hotel with her, before she made a scene.

****

Noel woke up early, in the pre-dawn darkness. The moon had already set, the sky still a midnight blue spangled with stars, and sun had yet to come out. The first fingers of dawn were piercing through the East. He got up and clad only in his boxers, used the bathroom, pulling on some warm ups, before heading out to the balcony.

The lump under the comforter on the other bed indicated that Mitul was still deep in her alcohol induced slumber.

He smiled and turned back, leaning on the rails. This was the time of day he loved the most. Enjoying the early hours of dawn, the quiet broken by the sleepy chirping of the birds, and the occasional plop in the lake as a fish surfaced. A light breeze ruffled his hair. He pulled up a chair, and put his feet up, relaxed. He rarely liked to share this time with anyone, sitting quietly by himself, absorbing the quiet and allowing it to seep into him, fortifying him for the day ahead. But today, for some reason, it wasn’t working.

He looked inside and she was still sleeping. Barely understanding what drove him, he got up and walked into the bedroom. He scooped her up, comforter and all, cradling her head tenderly. She snuggled more comfortably into his arms. He sat down on the couch on the balcony, with her on his lap, making sure she was wrapped fully against the cool breeze, and watched as the first glow of the morning light burst above the mountain tops. Lighting her face with a rosy glow, her face peaceful as she slept on, her head on his heart that beat at a comfortable, satisfied steady pace.

He looked at her face. Now he knew what she looked like at five-thirty a.m.

****

They drove back to El Paso that day. The holiday was over. Reality called.

Needless to say, they didn’t see any other strange sights nor did they hear any strange sounds, although they did see the occasional sign that said, ‘Beware of Wild Animals’.

*****

El Paso was still hot.

She sat at her desk and put on her headphones, before turning on the recorder. She was in the middle of transcribing the long conversations she’d had with Noel.

His mellifluous voice, the voice that she’d heard for so long on the screen, came over the phones, enhanced by the high quality audio equipment - each syllable crystal clear. There was a very unusual timbre to his voice, she thought. Deep yet husky. He enunciated clearly, and his intonations were as varied as the stories he told. And when he ... she hit the ‘Stop’ button on the recorder, tearing off the headphones from her ears.

In her ears she heard him say, ‘Go ahead’, the look in his eyes flashing into her mind! She closed her eyes, her breathing became uneven as sweat beaded on her forehead and she clenched her hands. She lay her forehead against the coolness of the desk, trying to calm down her racing pulse.

Noel James, she thought. Actor.

Someone that she’d already had the teeniest crush - okay scratch that - a great big crush on. But from the moment she’d picked up the phone, something had happened. He’d come out of the television and stepped into her life in all his 3-D glory. When she’d finally met him, she’d dismissed her racing heartbeat as her first time meeting with Noel James, the actor.

Over the days they’d spent together, she’d begun to learn about him, to know him. She’d seen the different facets of his character. Strong. Subtle. Vulnerable. A dutiful son. A wonderful friend. Confident. Humorous. Teasing. Sexy. Oh so, sexy!

She got up restlessly and walked over to the window, staring out at the stark mountain view unseeingly.

No wonder her pulses never slowed when he was around. He wasn’t helping by the way he behaved around her either - as if he, Noel James Figuieredo, the man, genuinely cared about her, Mitul Imani, the woman.

Turned around and went to the door, paced back to the couch and turned around, her mind running at the speed of a bullet.

Asking her to come out to El Paso. Caring for her. Aware of her. Seeking her out. Making her feel special. Teasing her. Flirting with her. Kissing her not once but thrice! Although the first kiss was merely a brush of his lips on hers. It hadn’t lasted long, and she’d barely had time to respond, before he’d drawn away and they’d walked in awkward silence back to their rooms.

She flopped on the couch, leaning her head back and closing her eyes.

And then there was that other one. Her mind whirled as she remembered that kiss, that ... that ... incredible ... something that had happened between them.

The one with no context. He’d kissed her like he’d been wanting to, like he’d needed to, mirroring the way she’d craved him. She couldn’t have stopped him even if she’d wanted to. He could reduce her to a puddle of goo when he looked at her like that. Or touched her with those big hands. Or when he said, ‘Good Morning, Mitul,’ in that indescribable voice of his! And if they hadn’t stopped when they did, they would have ended up in bed. She wasn’t going to deny that.

And the good night kiss. The sweet, oh so sweet taste of that.

But he’s an actor! Another part inside her cried.

Her eyes scrunched in pain.

He has women throwing themselves at him all the time. She’d seen it at the party the other day. He could have had any one of those teens or their moms at any time - and they wouldn’t have said no. This is the industry he is a part of, where sex is only a currency - nothing more.

She wasn’t about to become a bill in his wallet.

She opened her eyes, sat up and drew a deep shaky breath.

They’d just spent some time together in isolation. Whatever had happened, had happened because of that proximity. There was nothing more that could happen between Noel and herself. Not now, not ever. All that waited for her down that path was heartbreak. She wasn’t going to let herself in for one. She cared about herself too much for that.

Lifting her chin, she went into the bathroom to wash her face and was surprised to see the tears staining her cheeks.

****

Noel was surprised when she didn’t join them for dinner that night. He’d just been stepping out of his room to knock on hers, when his phone rang. It was Mitul.

‘Noel, I’ve got a real bad headache. I’m just going to take a painkiller and go to sleep,’ she said.

‘Do you need something? I’m coming to your room,’ he said.

‘No. Please don’t bother,’ she protested. ‘Really, I just need to sleep it off.’

‘Are you sure? I can stay with you,’ his voice was tender, caring. She felt the tears start again.

‘No, It’s okay. I’m fine,’ she sniffed.

There was quiet on the line.

‘Okay, then. Call me if you need anything. Anything, okay?’ he was worried. She sounded like she was crying, or she’d been crying and he didn’t even know what it was that had happened!

‘Yes, I will,’ she drew a deep breath. ‘Good night,’ she said painfully.

‘Good night,’ he put down the phone.

‘Where’s Mitul?’ Dev asked. He’d just walked into Noel’s room.

‘She’s got a headache and has gone to bed,’ Noel said.

Dev waited for Noel to say something. ‘Let’s go,’ Noel said, instead.

The shoot was wrapping up in three days. Noel was busy everyday from dusk to dawn, shooting in the desert and around town. Mitul cried off for the most part, claiming she wanted to spend time on her writing. They did spend the evenings together, mostly with the crew or Dev around them. They barely had any time alone together.

Noel had tried to talk to her, but she had become strangely reticent, to his growing frustration. He couldn’t make out what was wrong with her. And the harder he tried to find out, the more elusive she got.

Dev was puzzled by this turn of events as well. Noel had come back from that trip, looking happier than he had in a long time. He had looked fresh and invigorated and it showed on camera, much to Raghu’s delight. Evidently, he and Mitul had grown closer during their road trip.

But now, when he wasn’t shooting, Dev caught him looking into the distance with a worried look on his face, the lines on his face reflecting an inner turmoil.

What the hell had happened between them?

And like Mitul, he wasn’t talking either.

****

Their flight out from El Paso was early in the morning with a stop en route at Houston, where they would part ways. Noel was traveling back to India. And Mitul to Toronto.

Dev, Noel and Mitul stopped in the cavernous halls of Houston airport. Mitul would have to take a train to her terminal, while Dev and Noel had a layover for about five hours. The hustle and bustle of the central hub surrounded them. There was still time before Mitul needed to make her way to her terminal.

‘I’ll get some coffee,’ Dev said, ‘you guys want some?’

‘Thanks. Can you get me a black coffee?’ asked Noel. ‘Let’s find a place to sit, and then get the coffee, you can leave your stuff with me.’

‘I’ll have a dark black, too,’ said Mitul. ‘Thanks.’

They found some free armchairs in a seating area and Dev took off towards the Starbucks, leaving the two of them sitting side by side.

Mitul stole a glance at him. His head was bent, staring at his big joined hands the elbows resting on his knees. Her heart was thudding slowly as she sat there staring at nothing, nervously clutching her bag.

He looked sideways at her and finally said, ‘what happened to you?’ his voice was low, pained.

‘To me?’ she turned sharply towards him.

‘Yeah. You.’ He stayed quiet for a minute, not looking at her. ‘I thought ... ,’ he frowned and shook his head. Took a deep breath as though he had come to some conclusion, the tick in his jaw working overtime. ‘Something happened to you after we came back. I don’t know what it is. It’s like you built a wall. And I’ve no idea why it’s there.’ He went quiet, a hint of despair in it.

She sat there unable to say a thing. There was almost an accusatory note in his voice. Her throat was tight, and she wasn’t even able to swallow past it.

He sat up, smiled, the green eyes devoid of any expression. ‘Don’t worry about it, Mitul,’ he said quietly. ‘What time’s your flight?’ he flipped the topic. He was, after all, a very good actor.

‘In about an hour and a half,’ she replied, watching him, confused by his sudden casual behavior, as he stood up with his hands on his hips.

‘Where’s Dev?’ he looked around, ostensibly to look for the missing Dev.

Her eyes were welling with tears so she stood up, and her back turned to him, surreptitiously wiping them away. She didn’t know that Noel had turned around and seen her doing so, and his lips thinned in pain.

Dev arrived with the coffee and they sat around talking, till it was time for Mitul to leave. She got up and gathered up her things.

‘Okay, guys, time for me to go,’ she tried hard to smile through her trembling lips.

Dev held out his arms to her for a hug, and she gladly put her arms around him. ‘We’ll see you in Mumbai soon,’ he said. ‘You have my contact info?’ he asked.

She hugged him tight. ‘Yes, I do, and yes, I’ll see you in Mumbai soon,’ she said.

She turned to Noel who was looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face. ‘Well ... ’ she said awkwardly.

He held out his arms for a hug.

She went into it, and his big arms wrapped around her, enveloping her, holding her tight. She slid her arms up under his, sliding them up to reach his shoulders, clutching his shirt, her ears against his heart, hearing the erratic rhythm of it, giving away what wasn’t on his face. He dropped a kiss on her head and whispered, ‘take care.’

She nodded against his chest, eyes closed breathing in his cologne, enough so it would last her for a while. She pulled herself together, drew back and in her beautiful low-pitched, slightly hoarse voice said, ‘you, too.’

He let her go, reluctantly. He handed her, her bags. She took them and walked down the hall leading to the trains, all the while wiping away the tears that refused to stop flowing down her cheeks. Just before she turned the corner, she looked back. He was still standing there, looking after her. She stopped. The urge to run back to him and throw herself back in his arms was clawing through her. Instead, she raised a hand in a small wave, and saw him raise his as well. She turned the corner and he was lost to view.

Something inside her was breaking apart. She didn’t know what it was. All she knew was there was only one person responsible for this deep clawing pain inside her.

Noel James Figueiredo.

*****

Noel and Dev sat back in their chairs. Noel bent forward, elbows on his knees, his hands on his head.

‘She was crying,’ said Dev, rather unnecessarily in Noel’s opinion.

Noel nodded.

‘It’s not like she won’t see us again. When does she come to Mumbai?’ continued Dev in a conversational tone.

‘I don’t know,’ Noel replied very softly. Dev jerked around in surprise. ‘I never asked.’

‘What?’ Dev exclaimed.

Noel nodded again. ‘Yes. I didn’t want to know,’ he gritted out.

Dev was stunned. This didn’t make sense! But then, not much of the dynamics of this relationship had been making sense lately! One minute they couldn’t wait to be alone, and the next, they’re not talking to each other.

He knew his friend well, and he was pretty sure that Noel was genuinely interested in Mitul. From the looks of that goodbye, it seemed the feeling was mutual. So what was the holdup? Was it Mitul? Was it that Noel was feeling much more for her than she was feeling for him? But that didn’t seem right either. Dev was puzzled.

‘I don’t get you,’ he finally blurted out.

Noel gave him a long exasperated look. He handed his coffee cup to Dev before getting up and heading towards the restrooms. ‘Neither does she,’ he whispered to himself, bitterly.

****

The flight from Houston to Dubai is a long one. About sixteen hours. Noel had plenty of time to think, because sleep was the last thing on his mind. Dev had dropped off at some point, not that they’d talked much.

He lay there in the darkness, a movie running soundlessly on the screen in front of him, as he asked himself the same question that he’d been asking himself for the last few days. What the hell happened? He went through each and every incident, every word, every gesture between them. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when he realized that she was treating him ultra casually. She was still friendly, they had still talked but they didn’t connect anymore. An invisible chasm had loomed between them.

Was it because of that kiss? He’d woken up from a deep sleep and seen her standing in front of him at the door. He’d still been groggy when he’d sat down beside her, he was bone-tired and all he’d wanted was her in his arms. He’d needed it, he’d fantasized about it, and there she was two feet away. He’d reached out to her naturally and she hadn’t resisted, in fact, she’d participated. Whole-heartedly.

Was it because of the scars he had? He’d wanted to tell her about them. He never spoke of those dark days. The hell he himself had walked into. He’d wanted to open up to her, tell her everything about himself. Let her see who he was.

And in Ruidoso, he thought they’d reached that point of understanding.

But now. She only wanted to be his biographer. So be it. If that’s what she wanted, that’s what she’d be. And he would have to edit his life his own way. He didn’t want to take the risk of revealing himself to the world. He had been ready to do that to her. But not anymore.

He hadn’t wanted to ask her about Mumbai. All that would be set up between Dev and Joyce, he decided. Because if he knew when she was coming, all he would end up doing, was counting the days till he saw her again.

Mitul Imani would be just his biographer. Nothing more. Nothing less.

He beckoned the flight attendant and asked for a whiskey on the rocks. When it came, he downed it quickly, and asked for another. For the first time in years, Noel craved the oblivion that alcohol offered.

****